Tuesday, December 16, 2008

So it begins

Odds are you did not just stumble upon this blog but just in case you did let me explain, Prison Break Racing is a team of racers looking to enter a 24 Hours of LeMons race. Not to be confused with the "24 Hours of LeMans" (that zooty French endurance race), the "24 Hours of LeMons" is an event comprised of low-budget $500 race cars, i.e. lemons.

Whats our story? Well continue reading for an explanation. But first imagine, in your best movie trailer voice, the following: "What happens when hardened criminals meet in prison? They break out with the worlds best crime wave scheme ready to execute."

The Team:

John (a.k.a "Big Worm") was thrown in jail for executing untold atrocities on digital residents in GTA after consuming inordinate amounts of Pabst Blue Ribbon beer. When asked why he wanted to race cars in the real world instead of on XBOX he replied "What do you mean real world?".

Dirk (a.k.a. "Herr Farbissina") first got in trouble with the customs Polizei for trying to smuggle his beloved 86 Toyota Corolla GT (4A-GE) out of Germany (did not fit in rectum, although close). This would have made a good LeMons race car but he had to drop it in the trashcan at airport security (forgot to drain window washer fluid). Once in the land of limitless displacement, bottomless gas prices and topless bars he committed a rule violation and when showing his Fuehrerschein to a state trooper after getting caught in 4th gear at 3500rpm. Dirk is also a convicted ebayer and wanted for obsessive-compulsive drive belt changes (OCD). His doctor (McGillicuddy) might write a note for racing in February because his already-too-drunk-to-drive disorder (ADD) usually only occurs around the time of Oktoberfest.

Sam (a.k.a. "White Collar Geek") found himself incarcerated due to the now obvious oversight that the Pabst Blue Ribbon beer company would miss $0.001 deducted from each can of beer sold. Looking back he now can see that when you charge so little for a product, you should liberate a smaller percentage of gross sales if you want to fly under the radar.

Turkish (a.k.a. "The Illegit Brit") was thrown in jail for being a porn connoisseur... He left Britain to avoid some troubles with local gangster yardiess… Let's just say he had few skinny little fingers in some very hot pies… He has lived in the US and remained for some time, but was discovered due to the large quantities of porn he was downloading. Not paying cable bills and running up some serious debt to sustain the insurmountable addiction. However it is fairly safe to say that everyone has a talent and The Illegit Brit is the world first true porn connoisseur.

The Plan:

Win the 24 Hours of LeMons Gator-O-Rama race and acquire small denominations of untraceable money in the form of countless pounds of nickles.

The Story:

Thankfully "The Illegit Brit" had smuggled a working PS2 into prison hidden in his rectum. After 8-10 (5 for good behavior) years of honing their driving skills on a surprisingly good smelling PS2 the plan was hatched. After an eventful escape, that included The Illegit Brit insisting on sneaking his newly acquired XBOX 360 out of prison in the same manner he brought his PS2 into prison, a beautiful 1987 BMW 325i was acquired and the team hid out in their underground lair awaiting the LeMons team accepting their application.

Stay tuned for more of the story and an update on our "new" BMW.

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